I’m naturally a very anxious person. Walking into any situation, I’m overanalyzing every detail of how things could go wrong and how I could fail at even the smallest of tasks, reminding myself how insecure I really am on the inside.
What I literally realized just last week though, is that being anxious and having insecurities is completely normal. We’re all just people living our lives everyday, making as many mistakes and bad choices as we are successful decisions.
I don’t judge people when they’re on a stage or in the spotlight, so why is it that when I have to be in the spotlight for something, I mentally freak out to the point of almost backing out?! Why am I so afraid that people are judging me?
The truth is I’m judging myself. I’m thinking of all the ways something could go wrong, instead of being my own biggest cheerleader.
Every time I’m faced with something new in my career, there I am standing in front of a hurdle a mile high with no hope of even attempting to jump over because in my mind I’ve already failed or embarrassed myself somehow. I literally envision myself fumbling over my words, falling on my face or hearing people laugh in the crowd.
Today, at 36 years old, I’ve made the decision that this kind of mental sabotage has to stop.
It has to stop because even in my most embarrassing moments – like the time some guy walked in on me in the bathroom at a restaurant and left the door wide open for everyone to see or when I tripped as I stepped on stage to accept an award, I laughed it off, said shit happens aloud and kept it moving.
I am a capable, grown ass woman. So why am I always so afraid? Afraid of rejection, afraid of failing, afraid of letting people down? It all comes down to my own inner insecurities and today I’m done with it, because guess what? Bad, embarrassing things happens and they’ll continue to happen. I’ve failed before, I’ve been rejected before, people have laughed before, and more important than letting anyone else down, I’m constantly letting myself down by not following through with things I love, out of fear and insecurity.
So forget all of these silly feelings I’m letting takeover my life at times, because I’m done with insecurity.