Ever since Narayan was born, I’ve experienced serious anxiety and worry that I’m not there for him enough, not present enough and simply not a good enough mom. Whether it’s dropping him off at my mom’s for daycare Monday through Friday so Dave and I can work, traveling for work on occasion or even having a date night sans kids, I can’t shake the feeling of guilt for leaving him or not being there every moment. Having to travel so much this past year especially – literally almost once per month, has my mom guilt at an all-time high.
I know these sort of feelings come with the territory of motherhood, but still after three and a half years, I can’t seem to not feel guilty that I’m not the one caring for him on a daily basis because I’m working or not bringing him on every work trip.
And then there’s the fact that I’m pregnant, which has certainly brought on a more intense set of emotions about this subject overall, but it’s almost to the point that I can’t sit through a movie in a theatre without constantly checking my phone just to make sure something hasn’t happened.
Truth be told, I feel the same when it comes to Kingston, our 6 year old bulldog. Even leaving him to go to the store is a problem, and it being completely honest, it kind of always has been.
I recently talked about this with my sister-in-law who’s a doggie mom and she too feels the same way, constantly stressed about what her fur baby is doing at home while she’s out.
In an attempt to overcome my mom guilt anxiety before baby girl arrives in December and I’m dealing with it all over again, I’ve come to the conclusion that perhaps this isn’t something I’ll ever conquer. Perhaps it’s just something I need to accept and acknowledge as natural and normal. The more moms I discuss this with, the more I find that we all have some sort of guilt relating to being mothers, whether it’s to human children or animal children, I’m starting to feel like it just comes with the territory of wanting to take care of those around us and wanting to be in control of their well-being at all times.