Dear Diary Entry 2: To Reduce Or Not Reduce, That is the Question

Dear Diary,

The struggle is real. I am a size 16 with a 38H cup size. I have been around this size since I was 20, and I’ll be 26 next month. I have struggled with the size of my bust since I was about 13, and already well on my way to being a DD. My bust grew steadily over the years, and so did my back and shoulder pain, stretch marks and awkward stares.

The first time a doctor talked to me about breast reduction surgery I was 16, and from that point on it just kept happening. When I started going in for yearly check-ups the conversation would end with, “Well, you know you always have the option to have surgery.”

I would nod politely and tell them that I would think about it, but in reality, I thought surgery wasn’t right for me. I was scared of the surgeons making a mistake that would disfigure me, and I really didn’t want to do anything that would signal that I hated my body and wanted to change it. I thought I should be happy with what I had and deal with it.

That was until this year, when things changed drastically. I had been dealing with the pain for about 10 years, but then something new started happening. My breasts felt swollen and my underarms started to hurt. I tried going to the doctor, but they couldn’t figure out what was wrong.

I finally found an experienced OBGYN, and she told me that my boobs had gotten so big that the wire in my bras was actually stabbing the nerve endings under my arms, which caused these strange sensations. She told me that I really should have reduction surgery because the size of my breasts would likely cause me even more issues in the future.

She was the first person to say the words. To actually recommend it, not ask if I wanted it, but to actually say that I needed it. And the strangest thing happened, it was like my subconscious leapt forth in my brain and I immediately said yes. No thinking, no reservations, no hesitations, I just agreed without a second thought. Looking back, I think I really just needed someone to give me a sign that it was okay to want it.

After that initial appointment and another with the surgeon, I was on course for surgery. First, I needed to lose a bit of weight—to prevent complications, so I changed my eating habits and started working out regularly. I was right on target for about a month, but unfortunately, I lost my job before I could actually have the surgery. I was totally heartbroken, but I’m hoping I can still have it done one day.

Honestly, I wish I would have made the decision sooner, but I’m happy I finally got here.

Anonymous Writer