Dear Diary,

I love people. I love my family, I love my friends, I love talking to random people and hearing about their lives. I want everyone to know how much I care about them and how much they mean to me, but (there is always a but) I have trouble loving myself. I tell my child how special they are and how amazing they are but criticize my every “failure”. I tell my friends they are beautiful and fabulous, but dismiss them when they say the same. Why is it so easy to see the beauty in others but not myself?

This used to be a minor thing, a dark spot in the bright world that I just ignored. Now my inside feels are starting to show on the outside. I don’t spend as much time thinking about what make me feel happy or pretty; I just keep settling for “this will do.” Self care is not even something I pretend to do anymore. My child is always asking me if I am happy. I always say yes, but one day I am afraid they will see through my facade and see how much it hurts sometimes not to love myself. I want my little one to know that loving yourself is important, but how can I teach something I don’t practice?

I still love people and feel everyone is special, I hope one day I will realize that I am special too.


No Self Love

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