Dear Diary: Entry 20

Dear Diary,

I am a size 18. I have long legs, large hips and thighs and a smaller waist. I have an hourglass body shape. I have learned how to dress my body; how to accentuate my waist and not hide my curves. People compliment my outfits but I still lack lack self-esteem and self-confidence. I tend to look at my outfit in the mirror before leaving home and criticize myself. I know that the outfit looks good on me but I find myself thinking what I believe others are thinking: 

Those jeans are too tight. Why is she wearing those high heels? She is trying to draw attention to herself. 

Sometimes I end up taking off the outfit and changing into something less flattering, less sexy and putting on something frumpy, so that I can blend in, blend into the background, become less noticeable. 

I’ve recently realized that my issue with low self-esteem and lack of confidence started when I was child. When family and friends would come over to the house, I would hide in my bedroom. My mom would make me come out and speak. Some would greet me by saying, she is so chubby or she is so fat.

I am a middle aged woman now, and have been dealing with these feelings ever since. I take care of myself. I eat well, exercise, take care of my skin and take time to have fun. The sleep part is getting better. 

This is a journey!  I dressed this evening in a green utility jacket, a black turtleneck, skinny jeans and black booties. (An idea I got from Tanesha, GWC founder). I snapped the center button on the jacket and tied the drawstring to showcase my waistline. I looked good, but what will people think… I almost took off the outfit… BUT I didn’t… I grabbed my purse, car keys, went out and enjoyed the evening!  

Sincerely,

Loving the Journey